Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice: Where to Start

Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice: Where to Start

Becoming a solo mum by choice is a decision that comes with a lot of thought, planning, and emotions. While it can be an overwhelming and daunting journey, it can also be a wonderfully fulfilling and empowering experience. 

We asked the UK’s first and only Solo Parenthood Coach, Mel, who runs solo motherhood parenting support group The Stork and I, for her practical tips and advice on where to get started if you want to become a solo mum by choice.

Mel supports women from around the world who are single and keen to ensure they don’t miss out on parenthood.

Having been on her own solo motherhood journey, and now mum to Daisy via IVF and donor sperm, Mel now coaches thousands of women on the path to solo parenthood, by providing both one-to-one and group coaching to single women, enabling them to feel empowered and in control of their route to parenthood.

We caught up with Mel in July 2023 just before The Evewell West London Medical Director, Mr Ed Coats, is scheduled to appear on her Podcast.

Do your research

Mel’s first bit of advice is to research donor conception and listen to the voices of donor-conceived people. You can listen to donor-conceived guests on The Stork and I podcast and find additional resources on her Solo Parent Membership Site (see an exclusive Evewell offer at the end of this article). 

Mel also says: “I recommend you also hear from other solo parents’ experiences on Podcasts, Facebook Groups and on Instagram. 

A few recommended books to read are: 

• Research about the impact of donor conception:  We Are Family by Susan Golombok

• Research on the expectations of 21st Century egg and sperm donors and the impact of donating Donors: Curious Connections in Donor Conception by Petra Nordqvist and Leah Gilman

• Lived experience of a donor-conceived person raised by a solo parent Chosen Family by Kiara Shuh

Another great resource for Solo Mums to Be is Paths to Parenthood, an online resource for donor conception run by Becky, aka @definingmum on Instagram. You’ll find access to resources to help you and your family understand the many facets of donor conception.

Work through any concerns

Deciding to become a solo mum by choice is a huge commitment and a responsibility that can bring a lot of fears and doubts. 

It’s important to have a good grasp of your thoughts and feelings before jumping into such a significant decision and address concerns regarding your support network, financial situation, and overall readiness for parenthood.

Mel offers; “I also recommend using a coach or counsellor. We run a Choosing Solo Group Coaching Course, where we go through all fears and considerations you might have about becoming a solo parent.”

Spending time with other solo parents might also be worthwhile to get a real insight into what it is like. You can find both online and in-person networks on The Stork and I Facebook Group and also through the Donor Conception Network. 

And a few more books I recommend are: 

• Women Without Kids by Ruby Warrington
• Choosing Solo by Genvieve Roberts

Build your support network

Building a support network before and during your journey to become a solo mum by choice is paramount. This will help you cope with the emotional, physical, and financial challenges that come with this decision. 

Your support network might consist of close family and friends, but you may also consider joining a community of solo mums by choice or connecting with other #SMBC on Instagram.

By connecting with women who share the same journey as you, you’ll find genuine understanding and support. 

In Mel’s downloadable ‘Building Your Solo Parent Support Network’ booklet, which you get as part of the Thriving Solo Membership (£2.99 per month), she provides various tips on how to build your support network as well as providing a monthly community call to hear from and meet other solo mums by choice. 

Here are some other tips from Mel:

Financial Considerations when becoming a solo mum by choice

Becoming a solo mum by choice comes with financial responsibilities. It’s essential to map out a budget, identify your potential expenses, and explore your options for financial assistance and benefits. 

Make sure you explore all your options by talking to your doctors, lawyers, and financial advisors as well as other people who have been through the process. Consider the different options for fertility treatments and explore the potential costs. 

You may also want to research grants and charity organisations that offer financial support to women choosing solo motherhood.

How do you choose donor sperm if you want to be a solo mum by choice?

Choosing the right donor sperm is crucial when deciding to become a solo mum by choice. It’s important to do your research, understand the different sperm banks, and select the right donor for you. 

When choosing a donor, consider your values, beliefs, and traits. Some women may want to choose a donor whose personality and interests align with theirs, while others may focus more on physical traits such as hair and eye colour.

Other considerations can be access to information about the donor and medical history. In the UK, all donors have to comply with UK legislation meaning they provide their ID. This means that donor-conceived people can learn the identity of their donor when they reach 18.

It’s important to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to choose a donor; the most important thing is that you are comfortable with your choice and that you can explain that to your children.

Read our article here on selecting donor sperm.

Find your tribe! 

The journey to becoming a solo mum by choice may be full of ups and downs, but it can be a fulfilling one when approached with a positive outlook. 

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that there’s support available to you. Make time to connect with other solo mums by choice, get involved in online communities, and cherish the support of your family and friends. 

Finally, remind yourself of the reasons why you’re on this journey and focus on the joy and fulfilment that will come from it.

The Stork and I – Thriving Solo Membership

Mel has kindly offered The Evewell patients one month’s free membership to her Thriving Solo Membership. With this membership, you’ll get access to a member’s only podcast, a monthly community call, and lots of resources for solo parents and parents-to-be. 

Use promo code EVEWELL when you sign up here.

And you can also get £10 off any of the Stork and I Group Coaching courses, by using promo code EVEWELL at the checkout.